Any day now...

The countdown is officially at 23 days in waiting.  Baby boy still has no name but his room is ready.  Diapers are on the shelf, clothes in the drawers, and momma bear is waiting patiently with baby powder in the rocking chair.  Im beside myself that its soo close to coming into a reality. 

Switching our old nursery into the new nursery was time consuming and a bit hard.  I didnt do anything dramatic or spend lots of money.  In fact its super plain and simple.  It was the difficult task of taking out my old things...doctors reports, gifts given to us from our previous miscarriage, hospital bags reminding us of our overnight stays. Getting rid of the reminders that cause me to fear and worry...reminding me with a time that was so painful.  I left a few ultrasound pics on baby boys dresser of his past siblings...still very proud of my heaven babies :)

Its just the right balance now and feels like its his room.  I fiddle in there every day wondering what he going to look like and sound like...

Any day now the phone will ring and she will be in labor.  Any day now he will open his eyes for the first time and I will adore him.  My life will come to a halt when he arrives, just for some moments of reflection.  Im sure he will bring joy with him and also a rememberance of what we have lost.  Im sure he will have my heart...he already does. 

A new chapter is starting...oooh how Ive waited for this.  Thank you Lord for this time of relief and provision.  Ilana is waiting on the edge of her seat, with sparkling eyes she talks of her new life with her little brother :)  Last week she dressed up for the local trunk or treat..as a monarch butterfly.  She fluttered around, dancing the whole day long.  She put on her costume at daybreak and wore it to bed that night...she was a true princess in every aspet.  I soppose life will feel like that for a time...full of excitement and joy, a great dance of sweetness that starts in the morning and puts you to sleep at night.

Any day now...

Everybodies got their babies!

This last two weeks have been a range of emotions including rejoicing with friends and a deep analysis of what time of year it is.

3 very good friends had their babies these last few weeks..leaving me with a awe of God for the miracles He allows and also a reverence that I still need Him very much. 

Friend #1 has had several miscarriages including a precious pregnancy loss of twin babies.  Our emotional connection has always been strong due to heartache and hope that God overrides all that is hard in this life.  She felt very strongly that she would never carry her own children and so her family sought out adoption avenues.  Through prayer and grace, she now has 3 beautiful children that are born from her heart!  Unlike God, (being sarcastic) He blessed her recently with a "shock" pregnancy that bore her a sweet daughter Kendall this month.

Friend #2 Although she hasn't struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss she has a sweet spirit about connecting with me on the issue.  She is careful and loving...gives it much attention to talk and listen about the things I have gone through.  9 days ago she delivered Mihani...a precious baby girl and little sister to lovely Kareese.  Their family is full of the most beautiful girls!

Friend #3 is coming home from the hospital today.  Our visit in the hospital revealed such love for her new bundle.  Gracie came due to the obedience of my friend to allow God to gift them.  She is tiny and fragile, new and exciting!  She is sooo pretty and my friends eyes sparkle as she gazes on the grace of God that is sleeping snug to her chest.

How can I not rejoice??  Most incredible events and soo close to home :)

3 new girls...3 new lives...

I would be lying if I said I didn't think of my daughter as well especially since she would have been due in a few weeks as well. People would visit us marveling what God had done for us, commenting on her beauty.  I wonder if she would've looked like me, or her father..maybe a perfect combination of the both of us.  I just wonder...  Its not painful today just a thought or daydream of what things could have looked like.

In the meantime I cant focus there too long.  Our new son will be born in just a few short weeks.  O how I cant wait to study every little wrinkle and movement he makes.  He has me more anxious about his arrival everyday.  I wait for him with such intensity that must compare to our babies waiting for our arrivals to heaven someday.

Someday!  That's the focus today!  Some Day! we will all be together again!  I read the book Heaven is for Real recently.  It touched my heart for I know that a great reunion is coming closer every day!

Here is our current ultrasound, "Elle" is so close to having him.  He is weighing approx 5.5 lbs and growing :)    ...love him, love him, love him!

Prayer requests:
*Adoption paperwork will be smooth and quick
*Logan to be surprised by God :)
*Healing for Mihani..she has been running a fever
*Faith N Fertility and the families they are helping
*For you...to know, believe, trust, and love God more today then you did yesterday!

10 Weeks to go

Spent some time with Elle yesterday; Its was good to see her and chat for awhile.  Her reassurance that this baby is ours is priceless.  She may never know what she is doing for us..how divine it is and what it took to get us here. 

I am grateful today for my infertility and should I dare to say...our miscarriages.

It takes a mouthful of deep breaths to say that aloud; a core response; a hard thought.  Its not easy to say.  I do mean it though. 

I look at FNF and the women who surround me; the women that I surround; and see it all working together for the good of ....the good of God :)

He is good, that's what I am remembering today.  If only I could keep this truth engulfing me so that I wouldn't forget and start looking inward again.  Its so effortless to slip back into falseness.  This time I'll try to keep truth around a bit longer...and remember it a bit faster when I'm feeling down.

10 weeks left to go...give or take.  10 weeks and we will see his face...the face of promises and dreams that have been moving stories in my heart for years upon years.  I await you little one.

My publication by Ilana

After learning that Mommy was doing a "publication" in the Swiss City Monthly; Ilana insisted that she type up her own publication today to tell everyone about herself.  Before I knew it she had Microsoft Word opened and was writing away.  I left some of her typos that the computer didnt catch and just thought I would share with you the heart of my little girl.

I   like    my      friends.      I      am     a       kid.          My         name     is   Ilana. I love god he is  in my heart and he is the  best.  And    I   like my birthday.  My birthday is in December 9^th.  I love my grandma. When I was a baby I was excited to see my new mom and I was laughing. I like flowers and butterflies.  I am a kid that likes butterflies and flowers. And I like my neighbors. I see them in my mind when im sleeping. I use to play with my baby stuff and I love my brother when he comes. I play with farm stuff. I love tanner and daddy. When I grow up I want to be a ballerina andi love my whole entire family. And I am so so so pretty and my friend Katherine we don’t meet each other a lot but we still talk about her. I know that I next week I am going to see myah and I have a myah in my name too. I like my bedroom and I like to sleep on the floor. I really like our little puppy that’s black and white on his chest. And  mom   sings  at  nite  and  in morning I like to sing.             

         

Exciting News!

It is definitely time for a major update.  My break from blogging has consumed me as the summer keeps flying by.  Here is a summary of all that has taken place in the last 6 weeks.

FNF Fans...we are on a incredible incline of blessings!  Starting September 1st we will launch the rough draft of our new web site (www.faithnfertility.org) We are super pumped!  Not only will it be a great source of information and resources for families, but also a place to call home for couples struggling with infertility & pregnancy loss.  We will have a FNF blog, merchandise for purchase, and awareness for some really great charities!

We are in the process of getting our Nonprofit status and working on our first annual event in Ft Wayne.  On April 14th of next year we will be working side by side with Star 88.3 on a incredible event for families in the surrounding areas! How great is that!!  We are so thrilled they have decided to be our "hosting station" for the event and alongside other sponsors we will be able to bring resources and possibly a concert with Laura Story (fingers crossed and praying hard) to our community!

Sept 1st the Swiss City Monthly, a publication that comes out in Adams co. every month, is featuring Logan & I along with FNF as their cover story :)  We were contacted last month and did personal interviews with their staff about our journeys and vision.  Its been an blessed few months for sure!

With all of this going on it has taken away the slow pace of life as we await our new baby due Nov. 12th.  As the weeks keep slipping by, we get more and more excited to see his little face :)  "Elle" is doing fantastic!  She had some preterm labor a few weeks ago that gave us a scare but since then things have slowed down and went back to normal.  She is ready to be "baby free" as the summer is hot and she is uncomfortable.  Only 11 short weeks remain and then he will be all snuggled up at home.  Elle and I spent our birthdays together last week since they are so close together.  We got manicures/pedicures and went out for dinner...Chads treat :)  It was nice to spend time and just chat about life.  Its amazing what God has done in this whole thing for both of us!

I'm starting to get into "baby mode" cleaning the house, simplifying life, clearing out unwanted things and such.  We started gathering items for baby and its getting fun now.  The scary part seems to have left; there is not much fear that Elle will change her mind or something will happen from now to then.  It just seems right and feels good.  Chad was laying on the couch last night with his eyes closed...I thought he was asleep til I heard him say.."I cant wait til my baby boy is here."  "I know," I said.  Sigh*  I cant believe its almost time.

On the other side of opening our lives to a new baby, our oldest son Tanner has moved out on his own.  Another deep breath.  That's so hard on a momma's heart.  Everyday I miss him.

Well, that's my quick run-down of life here for us.  Please be prayerful for our family, Chad is currently fighting meningitis and mono, Tanner started his senior yr of school today, and Ilana is very patiently waiting for her baby brother.  I continue to work on FNF and hope that God will use all of us for something great!

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