Spent some time with Elle yesterday; Its was good to see her and chat for awhile. Her reassurance that this baby is ours is priceless. She may never know what she is doing for us..how divine it is and what it took to get us here.
I am grateful today for my infertility and should I dare to say...our miscarriages.
It takes a mouthful of deep breaths to say that aloud; a core response; a hard thought. Its not easy to say. I do mean it though.
I look at FNF and the women who surround me; the women that I surround; and see it all working together for the good of ....the good of God :)
He is good, that's what I am remembering today. If only I could keep this truth engulfing me so that I wouldn't forget and start looking inward again. Its so effortless to slip back into falseness. This time I'll try to keep truth around a bit longer...and remember it a bit faster when I'm feeling down.
10 weeks left to go...give or take. 10 weeks and we will see his face...the face of promises and dreams that have been moving stories in my heart for years upon years. I await you little one.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
My publication by Ilana
After learning that Mommy was doing a "publication" in the Swiss City Monthly; Ilana insisted that she type up her own publication today to tell everyone about herself. Before I knew it she had Microsoft Word opened and was writing away. I left some of her typos that the computer didnt catch and just thought I would share with you the heart of my little girl.
I like my friends. I am a kid. My name is Ilana. I love god he is in my heart and he is the best. And I like my birthday. My birthday is in December 9th. I love my grandma. When I was a baby I was excited to see my new mom and I was laughing. I like flowers and butterflies. I am a kid that likes butterflies and flowers. And I like my neighbors. I see them in my mind when im sleeping. I use to play with my baby stuff and I love my brother when he comes. I play with farm stuff. I love tanner and daddy. When I grow up I want to be a ballerina andi love my whole entire family. And I am so so so pretty and my friend Katherine we don’t meet each other a lot but we still talk about her. I know that I next week I am going to see myah and I have a myah in my name too. I like my bedroom and I like to sleep on the floor. I really like our little puppy that’s black and white on his chest. And mom sings at nite and in morning I like to sing.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Exciting News!
It is definitely time for a major update. My break from blogging has consumed me as the summer keeps flying by. Here is a summary of all that has taken place in the last 6 weeks.
FNF Fans...we are on a incredible incline of blessings! Starting September 1st we will launch the rough draft of our new web site (www.faithnfertility.org) We are super pumped! Not only will it be a great source of information and resources for families, but also a place to call home for couples struggling with infertility & pregnancy loss. We will have a FNF blog, merchandise for purchase, and awareness for some really great charities!
We are in the process of getting our Nonprofit status and working on our first annual event in Ft Wayne. On April 14th of next year we will be working side by side with Star 88.3 on a incredible event for families in the surrounding areas! How great is that!! We are so thrilled they have decided to be our "hosting station" for the event and alongside other sponsors we will be able to bring resources and possibly a concert with Laura Story (fingers crossed and praying hard) to our community!
Sept 1st the Swiss City Monthly, a publication that comes out in Adams co. every month, is featuring Logan & I along with FNF as their cover story :) We were contacted last month and did personal interviews with their staff about our journeys and vision. Its been an blessed few months for sure!
With all of this going on it has taken away the slow pace of life as we await our new baby due Nov. 12th. As the weeks keep slipping by, we get more and more excited to see his little face :) "Elle" is doing fantastic! She had some preterm labor a few weeks ago that gave us a scare but since then things have slowed down and went back to normal. She is ready to be "baby free" as the summer is hot and she is uncomfortable. Only 11 short weeks remain and then he will be all snuggled up at home. Elle and I spent our birthdays together last week since they are so close together. We got manicures/pedicures and went out for dinner...Chads treat :) It was nice to spend time and just chat about life. Its amazing what God has done in this whole thing for both of us!
I'm starting to get into "baby mode" cleaning the house, simplifying life, clearing out unwanted things and such. We started gathering items for baby and its getting fun now. The scary part seems to have left; there is not much fear that Elle will change her mind or something will happen from now to then. It just seems right and feels good. Chad was laying on the couch last night with his eyes closed...I thought he was asleep til I heard him say.."I cant wait til my baby boy is here." "I know," I said. Sigh* I cant believe its almost time.
On the other side of opening our lives to a new baby, our oldest son Tanner has moved out on his own. Another deep breath. That's so hard on a momma's heart. Everyday I miss him.
Well, that's my quick run-down of life here for us. Please be prayerful for our family, Chad is currently fighting meningitis and mono, Tanner started his senior yr of school today, and Ilana is very patiently waiting for her baby brother. I continue to work on FNF and hope that God will use all of us for something great!
**If you are not currently a part of Faith N Fertility please look us on on facebook. We would love to have your friendship!
FNF Fans...we are on a incredible incline of blessings! Starting September 1st we will launch the rough draft of our new web site (www.faithnfertility.org) We are super pumped! Not only will it be a great source of information and resources for families, but also a place to call home for couples struggling with infertility & pregnancy loss. We will have a FNF blog, merchandise for purchase, and awareness for some really great charities!
We are in the process of getting our Nonprofit status and working on our first annual event in Ft Wayne. On April 14th of next year we will be working side by side with Star 88.3 on a incredible event for families in the surrounding areas! How great is that!! We are so thrilled they have decided to be our "hosting station" for the event and alongside other sponsors we will be able to bring resources and possibly a concert with Laura Story (fingers crossed and praying hard) to our community!
Sept 1st the Swiss City Monthly, a publication that comes out in Adams co. every month, is featuring Logan & I along with FNF as their cover story :) We were contacted last month and did personal interviews with their staff about our journeys and vision. Its been an blessed few months for sure!
With all of this going on it has taken away the slow pace of life as we await our new baby due Nov. 12th. As the weeks keep slipping by, we get more and more excited to see his little face :) "Elle" is doing fantastic! She had some preterm labor a few weeks ago that gave us a scare but since then things have slowed down and went back to normal. She is ready to be "baby free" as the summer is hot and she is uncomfortable. Only 11 short weeks remain and then he will be all snuggled up at home. Elle and I spent our birthdays together last week since they are so close together. We got manicures/pedicures and went out for dinner...Chads treat :) It was nice to spend time and just chat about life. Its amazing what God has done in this whole thing for both of us!
I'm starting to get into "baby mode" cleaning the house, simplifying life, clearing out unwanted things and such. We started gathering items for baby and its getting fun now. The scary part seems to have left; there is not much fear that Elle will change her mind or something will happen from now to then. It just seems right and feels good. Chad was laying on the couch last night with his eyes closed...I thought he was asleep til I heard him say.."I cant wait til my baby boy is here." "I know," I said. Sigh* I cant believe its almost time.
On the other side of opening our lives to a new baby, our oldest son Tanner has moved out on his own. Another deep breath. That's so hard on a momma's heart. Everyday I miss him.
Well, that's my quick run-down of life here for us. Please be prayerful for our family, Chad is currently fighting meningitis and mono, Tanner started his senior yr of school today, and Ilana is very patiently waiting for her baby brother. I continue to work on FNF and hope that God will use all of us for something great!
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Labels:
adoption,
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laura story,
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Thursday, June 23, 2011
Elle's 20 week ultrasound...ITS A WHAT????
Elle's 20 week ultrasound ended with a grand surprise...
As our nursery is lined with pink decor, pottery barn blankies, and super cute girly dresses it would just seem natural that our first ultrasound would announce the November arrival of a baby girl! But....if you have know us in any time at all you would agree that "normal" doesn't define us :) We are proud to share with you our video of a healthy & vibrant baby boy!! As we kept calling him a "her" the ultrasound tech kindly whispers..."You might wanna start calling "her" a him :) "
Here is our first views of this little man that I am convinced will be a inspiration & joy to everyone he meets!
Our voyage to babies has been defined slowly. Each day God has showed me his deliverance from having trust in myself is key to a life of being free. Once I can stop trying to engage myself to make my life what I want it; and start letting go to let God make it what He designed it...my life becomes purposeful. I keep giving things over to Him and simply saying.."If it was mine to worry about...I'd mess it up anyway; so take this thing/person/event and create something beautiful." We continue to pray about our future and our future children. We are trusting God that His plan is much better then ours :)
As our nursery is lined with pink decor, pottery barn blankies, and super cute girly dresses it would just seem natural that our first ultrasound would announce the November arrival of a baby girl! But....if you have know us in any time at all you would agree that "normal" doesn't define us :) We are proud to share with you our video of a healthy & vibrant baby boy!! As we kept calling him a "her" the ultrasound tech kindly whispers..."You might wanna start calling "her" a him :) "
Here is our first views of this little man that I am convinced will be a inspiration & joy to everyone he meets!
Our voyage to babies has been defined slowly. Each day God has showed me his deliverance from having trust in myself is key to a life of being free. Once I can stop trying to engage myself to make my life what I want it; and start letting go to let God make it what He designed it...my life becomes purposeful. I keep giving things over to Him and simply saying.."If it was mine to worry about...I'd mess it up anyway; so take this thing/person/event and create something beautiful." We continue to pray about our future and our future children. We are trusting God that His plan is much better then ours :)
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My Yahweh
My Yahweh,
Lord, I begin with a pause of how magnificent you are.
My doubting heart is unworthy of the good work you continue to do through my wretched body. I praise you for your mercy and great grace that abides in me even while I walk idly without my eyes on you. You take me from glory to glory as You keep revealing Yourself to me in ways that are defined in myself as miraculous. You are holy and good, I trust you and love you so very much. Nothing can separate your love for me. My willingness to give my whole life to You is in process. Your generosity is always abundant and your timing is divinely perfect. There is no one like You.
The complexity of my life does not overwhelm You or make You anxious. Your righteous anger burns against those that pain me and the sin of this world will be crushed by your great love for me. Thank you Lord that I have you. Without you I am destined for death, my spirit would have no freedom or expression of life. I would drown while dying of thirst, full of the world but starving to death. I am thankful that loneliness will never envelope me and the needs of my life will always be met. For You own all things and I am precious because you say so. You give me quality and value, because of the revelation of You, I belong to the One who never dies, always wins, and owns it all!
The sin of others against me has brought me to the shaving of my head and tearing of my clothes. My mind has introduced lies and destruction; holding out the bait in hopes that I will feast on it for awhile. The enemy peers around my shoulders looking me square in the eye in anticipation that I will accept his torment and be rebellious. The fingers of sin reach out to me and twirl my hair and stroke my face as to make me feel pitiful. The thoughts that linger in my mind are vivid & horrific; they entice me to view vile things that make sin look like a luxury. I have been on the brink of death, robbed relentlessly, and shadowed with destruction from the onset of what another person has done against me. This work of the enemy never ceases.
I cry out to you o Lord, my faithful friend who never fails me. You never lie, You never steal, You never leave! You embrace my head with Your anointing and cast evil far away from my sight. You claim what has been stolen and return it to me with full favor. Your protection sets guard around my every side and is watchful & full of strength. Your vengeance against sin is swift and fierce! Who can stand against You? As the wind continues to blow and I remain in breath, I am reminded that You are all around me. I consume You as I continue to live and you flow in and out of my vessel as a powerful energy. I never have to be anguish if I remain in You. Trusting You comes near and far to me; but You prove Yourself every moment that life without You is agony. As the enemy sneaks around me at night waiting for a time to penetrate my restful thoughts; You are standing over me geared for war. Armies walk with me in position due to Your command. You enrich my life even when I am attacked on all sides. In You, I always survive & become victorious.
Your timing is perfect and Your Spirit is overwhelming. His presence is too much to bear. It makes me overjoyed with love & laughter and also brings my face low to the earth in shame & humility. His function in my life keeps me aligned with you, how generous You are for your sacrifice and then for Your great gift of Yourself who convicts me and keeps me safe. Because of Your great Spirit I can be blameless even while sin creeps around my feet. I am grateful that another persons sin against You does not define me and in You I am a creation of my own. You are a gentleman and lover of my soul. You approach me in ways that honor me and prepare my heart of times of hardness. You are gentle and just..giving me exactly what I need in a way that I will receive it best. You have produced fruit in me that is genuine and sweet. Long suffering is attached to the fibers of my creation; and I am allowed to stand close to You as Your will unfolds. I sit on the sidelines and watch You do great work and although this fruit causes me pain; I never look for You and not see You. I never call Your name and You don't respond. I never go through any pain where You don't use it for the advancement of Your Kingdom!
With everything,
Your Amy
This week I watched sin bring a brother in Christ to the brink of utter destruction, I watched the Lord take his heart and soften it, preparing it for a moment. When the time came, the Lord rushed upon him and laid him bare. His sins where revealed and humility set in. When repentance to the Lord was upon this mans lips the Spirit claimed his wasted life and gave him a glimpse of what he can be in Him. Praise God for renewal and victory! God is never late! God is always good! God is just in everything He chooses to do! Anger at God is never righteous! God loves you!
Lord, I begin with a pause of how magnificent you are.
My doubting heart is unworthy of the good work you continue to do through my wretched body. I praise you for your mercy and great grace that abides in me even while I walk idly without my eyes on you. You take me from glory to glory as You keep revealing Yourself to me in ways that are defined in myself as miraculous. You are holy and good, I trust you and love you so very much. Nothing can separate your love for me. My willingness to give my whole life to You is in process. Your generosity is always abundant and your timing is divinely perfect. There is no one like You.
The complexity of my life does not overwhelm You or make You anxious. Your righteous anger burns against those that pain me and the sin of this world will be crushed by your great love for me. Thank you Lord that I have you. Without you I am destined for death, my spirit would have no freedom or expression of life. I would drown while dying of thirst, full of the world but starving to death. I am thankful that loneliness will never envelope me and the needs of my life will always be met. For You own all things and I am precious because you say so. You give me quality and value, because of the revelation of You, I belong to the One who never dies, always wins, and owns it all!
The sin of others against me has brought me to the shaving of my head and tearing of my clothes. My mind has introduced lies and destruction; holding out the bait in hopes that I will feast on it for awhile. The enemy peers around my shoulders looking me square in the eye in anticipation that I will accept his torment and be rebellious. The fingers of sin reach out to me and twirl my hair and stroke my face as to make me feel pitiful. The thoughts that linger in my mind are vivid & horrific; they entice me to view vile things that make sin look like a luxury. I have been on the brink of death, robbed relentlessly, and shadowed with destruction from the onset of what another person has done against me. This work of the enemy never ceases.
I cry out to you o Lord, my faithful friend who never fails me. You never lie, You never steal, You never leave! You embrace my head with Your anointing and cast evil far away from my sight. You claim what has been stolen and return it to me with full favor. Your protection sets guard around my every side and is watchful & full of strength. Your vengeance against sin is swift and fierce! Who can stand against You? As the wind continues to blow and I remain in breath, I am reminded that You are all around me. I consume You as I continue to live and you flow in and out of my vessel as a powerful energy. I never have to be anguish if I remain in You. Trusting You comes near and far to me; but You prove Yourself every moment that life without You is agony. As the enemy sneaks around me at night waiting for a time to penetrate my restful thoughts; You are standing over me geared for war. Armies walk with me in position due to Your command. You enrich my life even when I am attacked on all sides. In You, I always survive & become victorious.
Your timing is perfect and Your Spirit is overwhelming. His presence is too much to bear. It makes me overjoyed with love & laughter and also brings my face low to the earth in shame & humility. His function in my life keeps me aligned with you, how generous You are for your sacrifice and then for Your great gift of Yourself who convicts me and keeps me safe. Because of Your great Spirit I can be blameless even while sin creeps around my feet. I am grateful that another persons sin against You does not define me and in You I am a creation of my own. You are a gentleman and lover of my soul. You approach me in ways that honor me and prepare my heart of times of hardness. You are gentle and just..giving me exactly what I need in a way that I will receive it best. You have produced fruit in me that is genuine and sweet. Long suffering is attached to the fibers of my creation; and I am allowed to stand close to You as Your will unfolds. I sit on the sidelines and watch You do great work and although this fruit causes me pain; I never look for You and not see You. I never call Your name and You don't respond. I never go through any pain where You don't use it for the advancement of Your Kingdom!
With everything,
Your Amy
This week I watched sin bring a brother in Christ to the brink of utter destruction, I watched the Lord take his heart and soften it, preparing it for a moment. When the time came, the Lord rushed upon him and laid him bare. His sins where revealed and humility set in. When repentance to the Lord was upon this mans lips the Spirit claimed his wasted life and gave him a glimpse of what he can be in Him. Praise God for renewal and victory! God is never late! God is always good! God is just in everything He chooses to do! Anger at God is never righteous! God loves you!
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